Deployment

Ben left on May 25 and I miss him soo much!  Leading up to the deployment I was very emotional by my standards.  If you know me then you know that this is really real.  I don't hardly cry much but I have cried more over Ben leaving than I have my whole life.  The goodbye was the worst.  We had 2 goodbyes, an 'ugly goodbye' and a 'happy goodbye'.  The 'ugly goodbye' was awful!!  I was crying, Ben was crying and that was just the start of the sadness.
The first 2 weeks weren't too bad as I had things to keep me preoccupied.  This week however has been really rough.  I have been really sad and feel really alone.  I am crying everyday and multiple times a day.  It has just been a LOT harder than I thought it would ever be.  I guess when you love someone as much as I love Ben it makes it that much harder to adjust to life without them for 6  months.
I felt really bad the other day cause I broke down on skype when we were talking to each other.  He knew there was something wrong with me and I didn't want to end up crying in front of him (me trying to be strong).  Well, that didn't work.  I was balling like a baby.
We get to talk to each other a lot so that is not the issue.  I was just telling him how happy I was that I am dealing with modern technology because waiting for a letter would really suck!  I'm glad time is passing quick for him, but for me days seem to last like weeks.  He works 24on/24off, so we talk on skype every other day.  I wish we could talk everyday on skype but I'll take what I can get.  When he is working he e-mails me.

I just need to take it one day at a time and know that it will go by quick.  I just need to keep positive and keep busy.  I think though right now I am stuck in a rut and I just have to get out because I can't stand feeling sad all the time.  I am not a sad person by nature.  I will just have to ask God to help me through this and give me strength.  The problems is not if I can last 6 months, because I can.  Ben is more than worth waiting 6 months for.  I love him with every ounce of my being. 



Peace, love, & grace
Allie