'The One'

Love or REAL Love?
How do you know the difference?  Does it feel different?  Does it look different? 

      I have only been in 1 relationship before I started dating Ben.  I wouldn't really call it a relationship either, it was more like relationSHIT.  Its funny how you think you know what love is until you actually fall completely 100% in REAL love with someone.  I've always grown up hearing people say that you will know when you find 'the one'.  It is just an overwhelming feeling that you get when you know everything is right, and you have no doubts.  
      I guess you could call me a late bloomer when it comes to the dating world but, I really wanted to get eo know myself more before I started dating someone.  I wanted to know what I was all about and what I wanted in my own life before I went out searching for a person that would want to share in these adventures.  The funny thing is that part of finding out who you are is by meeting new people and dating.  Not only was I going to date but I set out on the task to find 'the one'.  Let me tell you that although you may get the dating blues, you will learn more about yourself and what you want than at any other time.  

       I am really shy and for me to go on a date with some random guy is already a big step.  To take it to the next level and put myself out there on a dating site was an even bigger step for me.  A little over a year ago I had decided after my birthday I was tired of watching my friends living so happily with boyfriends or girlfriends that I wanted a piece of this happiness pie.  I have seen from experience that dating isn't always rainbows and butterflies but I was willing to take on the chance of heartbreak.  I was also willing to put forth 100% effort to make a relationship work.
      I met some interesting people, many of which only had the chance of going on 1 date with me.  I always wondered how I would know if  I had chemistry with someone, how would I know if I should date this person.  Let me tell you right now, YOU KNOW!
      I went into each date with the mindset of "can I see myself with this person?"  I didn't want to waste my or any of the guys time when I already knew that this is what I was looking for,  to meet 'the one'.
      I met a total of 7 guys from online.  Through my experience I am very glad with the route I took.  It was completely unlike me and I ended up learning a lot more about myself than I ever thought I would have if I had never done on-line dating.  
      Going through my experience I thought I had found love.  To which I thought that I was in real love with him.  Looking back it saddens me that I was pressured into giving up the 3 most important words that you can say to a person.  
      How do I know I wasn't in REAL love?   Since I have been dating Ben I can truly say that I know what REAL love is.  It feels completely different that anything I have ever felt before.  

Sometimes its hard to find the right words to express to someone how much you care about them.  For me it is a lot easier to write down how I feel.  I believe that each person in the relationship deserves to know how you feel about one another.  Life is too short to beat around the bush and say, "we'll get to how we feel later."  I believe with a passion that it is better to tell someone how you feel and get hurt than to never tell them at all.  Life is about risks and sometimes you have to put your heart and emotions on the line.

So to Ben I want to say...I love you with all my heart and soul and I truly believe that you are 'the one' for me.  I can't imagine going through my life with anyone else.  You have made me happier than I have ever been in my life.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to bring as much happiness to your life as you have brought to mine.

 I feel 1000x better for knowing that you know how I truly feel no matter how you feel in return.

Peace, love, & grace

Allie

Deployment

Ben left on May 25 and I miss him soo much!  Leading up to the deployment I was very emotional by my standards.  If you know me then you know that this is really real.  I don't hardly cry much but I have cried more over Ben leaving than I have my whole life.  The goodbye was the worst.  We had 2 goodbyes, an 'ugly goodbye' and a 'happy goodbye'.  The 'ugly goodbye' was awful!!  I was crying, Ben was crying and that was just the start of the sadness.
The first 2 weeks weren't too bad as I had things to keep me preoccupied.  This week however has been really rough.  I have been really sad and feel really alone.  I am crying everyday and multiple times a day.  It has just been a LOT harder than I thought it would ever be.  I guess when you love someone as much as I love Ben it makes it that much harder to adjust to life without them for 6  months.
I felt really bad the other day cause I broke down on skype when we were talking to each other.  He knew there was something wrong with me and I didn't want to end up crying in front of him (me trying to be strong).  Well, that didn't work.  I was balling like a baby.
We get to talk to each other a lot so that is not the issue.  I was just telling him how happy I was that I am dealing with modern technology because waiting for a letter would really suck!  I'm glad time is passing quick for him, but for me days seem to last like weeks.  He works 24on/24off, so we talk on skype every other day.  I wish we could talk everyday on skype but I'll take what I can get.  When he is working he e-mails me.

I just need to take it one day at a time and know that it will go by quick.  I just need to keep positive and keep busy.  I think though right now I am stuck in a rut and I just have to get out because I can't stand feeling sad all the time.  I am not a sad person by nature.  I will just have to ask God to help me through this and give me strength.  The problems is not if I can last 6 months, because I can.  Ben is more than worth waiting 6 months for.  I love him with every ounce of my being. 



Peace, love, & grace
Allie