Oh deployment, how I hate thee

Alright, its official I am over this deployment.  We have made it past the halfway point, which is exciting.  I will be so happy when Ben is back home and we can do stuff together and just spend time with each other.  I miss seeing his face.  I am starting to get the miss-you-blues again like I had after week 2 of him being gone. 

Peace, love, & grace
Allie

9 Months of Happy

So today makes 9 months since the Ben and I started dating :)  They have been the most happy and wonderful 9 months ever! :)
Even though he is away right now every morning I look forward to waking up to a new email in my Inbox.  It really is a great way to start the day happy :)
Even though we are separated by thousands of miles right now he still can put a smile on my face!!

Peace, love, & grace
Allie

Stuck

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in a rut and can't get out!  That is exactly how I am feeling right now.  All I want to do is be in a different stage in my life but I feel like it is going to take me a million years to get there.  Its like running a race and being the last one to cross the finish line...watching the everyone else as they triumph to victory.
I really wish I was done with school about now and making more money than I am.

-rant over

Peace, love, & grace
Allie

'The One'

Love or REAL Love?
How do you know the difference?  Does it feel different?  Does it look different? 

      I have only been in 1 relationship before I started dating Ben.  I wouldn't really call it a relationship either, it was more like relationSHIT.  Its funny how you think you know what love is until you actually fall completely 100% in REAL love with someone.  I've always grown up hearing people say that you will know when you find 'the one'.  It is just an overwhelming feeling that you get when you know everything is right, and you have no doubts.  
      I guess you could call me a late bloomer when it comes to the dating world but, I really wanted to get eo know myself more before I started dating someone.  I wanted to know what I was all about and what I wanted in my own life before I went out searching for a person that would want to share in these adventures.  The funny thing is that part of finding out who you are is by meeting new people and dating.  Not only was I going to date but I set out on the task to find 'the one'.  Let me tell you that although you may get the dating blues, you will learn more about yourself and what you want than at any other time.  

       I am really shy and for me to go on a date with some random guy is already a big step.  To take it to the next level and put myself out there on a dating site was an even bigger step for me.  A little over a year ago I had decided after my birthday I was tired of watching my friends living so happily with boyfriends or girlfriends that I wanted a piece of this happiness pie.  I have seen from experience that dating isn't always rainbows and butterflies but I was willing to take on the chance of heartbreak.  I was also willing to put forth 100% effort to make a relationship work.
      I met some interesting people, many of which only had the chance of going on 1 date with me.  I always wondered how I would know if  I had chemistry with someone, how would I know if I should date this person.  Let me tell you right now, YOU KNOW!
      I went into each date with the mindset of "can I see myself with this person?"  I didn't want to waste my or any of the guys time when I already knew that this is what I was looking for,  to meet 'the one'.
      I met a total of 7 guys from online.  Through my experience I am very glad with the route I took.  It was completely unlike me and I ended up learning a lot more about myself than I ever thought I would have if I had never done on-line dating.  
      Going through my experience I thought I had found love.  To which I thought that I was in real love with him.  Looking back it saddens me that I was pressured into giving up the 3 most important words that you can say to a person.  
      How do I know I wasn't in REAL love?   Since I have been dating Ben I can truly say that I know what REAL love is.  It feels completely different that anything I have ever felt before.  

Sometimes its hard to find the right words to express to someone how much you care about them.  For me it is a lot easier to write down how I feel.  I believe that each person in the relationship deserves to know how you feel about one another.  Life is too short to beat around the bush and say, "we'll get to how we feel later."  I believe with a passion that it is better to tell someone how you feel and get hurt than to never tell them at all.  Life is about risks and sometimes you have to put your heart and emotions on the line.

So to Ben I want to say...I love you with all my heart and soul and I truly believe that you are 'the one' for me.  I can't imagine going through my life with anyone else.  You have made me happier than I have ever been in my life.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to bring as much happiness to your life as you have brought to mine.

 I feel 1000x better for knowing that you know how I truly feel no matter how you feel in return.

Peace, love, & grace

Allie

Deployment

Ben left on May 25 and I miss him soo much!  Leading up to the deployment I was very emotional by my standards.  If you know me then you know that this is really real.  I don't hardly cry much but I have cried more over Ben leaving than I have my whole life.  The goodbye was the worst.  We had 2 goodbyes, an 'ugly goodbye' and a 'happy goodbye'.  The 'ugly goodbye' was awful!!  I was crying, Ben was crying and that was just the start of the sadness.
The first 2 weeks weren't too bad as I had things to keep me preoccupied.  This week however has been really rough.  I have been really sad and feel really alone.  I am crying everyday and multiple times a day.  It has just been a LOT harder than I thought it would ever be.  I guess when you love someone as much as I love Ben it makes it that much harder to adjust to life without them for 6  months.
I felt really bad the other day cause I broke down on skype when we were talking to each other.  He knew there was something wrong with me and I didn't want to end up crying in front of him (me trying to be strong).  Well, that didn't work.  I was balling like a baby.
We get to talk to each other a lot so that is not the issue.  I was just telling him how happy I was that I am dealing with modern technology because waiting for a letter would really suck!  I'm glad time is passing quick for him, but for me days seem to last like weeks.  He works 24on/24off, so we talk on skype every other day.  I wish we could talk everyday on skype but I'll take what I can get.  When he is working he e-mails me.

I just need to take it one day at a time and know that it will go by quick.  I just need to keep positive and keep busy.  I think though right now I am stuck in a rut and I just have to get out because I can't stand feeling sad all the time.  I am not a sad person by nature.  I will just have to ask God to help me through this and give me strength.  The problems is not if I can last 6 months, because I can.  Ben is more than worth waiting 6 months for.  I love him with every ounce of my being. 



Peace, love, & grace
Allie

How do you sit through class while the person next to you is using a mechanical pencil?  This may sound funny but this question came to life for me today.  The girl sitting next to me in class was using a mechanical pencil today, no big deal right?  Wrong, the big deal was that she was doodling out of boredom and her pencil was making the absolute worst screeching noise!  I know all of you mechanical pencil users out there know what I'm talking about.  I myself have experienced the screech while using a mechanical pencil, but you stop doing whatever it is that is causing the screech.  I mean come on its common courtesy.  If it is something that you think is annoying, chances are someone or others think it is annoying as well.  Obviously this girl didn't have common courtesy sense because she just kept screeching that pencil.  I did look over a few times to show my hatred for the noise. 
Just know that if you are ever intend on using a mechanical pencil and the screeching begins, know that someone around you is annoyed so QUIT!

Peace, grace, & love
Allie

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love my boyfriend soo much!!  He had to work today so we celebrated on Saturday night.  He took me out to dinner at Maggiano's.  We had a great time and a fabulous dinner :)  Today I was surprised with a bouquet of roses from him when I got home.
I got Ben a photo frame with the first and only picture of us together.  I also made him a teddy bear from Build-a-bear and dressed the bear in a Michigan football uniform and had his name monogrammed on the back.  Then of course I had to get him some chocolates lol.

I would like to say Happy Valentine's day to all of you out there!  Enjoy your day!

Peace, grace, & love
Allie